I was listening to Oliver Stone being interviewed on the radio last night and thought: ‘I don’t think I’d like to go on a caravan holiday with him…’
Can you imagine? The confined space, the rain (inevitable on the caravan holidays in Wales of my childhood) – and the endless conspiracy theories.
You’d get out Monopoly or Risk, to pass a wet afternoon and he’d be off.
Obviously I’m unlikely ever to be in a caravan with Mr Stone (who I do deeply respect for his commitment to Big Serious Things), but this is one scale on the measure I generally use for assessing how I feel about people I’ve never met.
Another is: Would I go on a villa holiday with them?
Jeremy Clarkson is a definite no on that one. He’d just grab the biggest room and would order all the wine at dinner without consulting anyone else. From the pointy end of the wine list. Hugh Grant, on the other hand, would be terrific fun in a villa.
I’m sure he’d be up for all manner of after dinner games, moving on to the full demolition disco (when you take it in turns to DJ and everyone dances wildly round the pool…) and would be perfectly happy to drink the house wine – or would offer to pay for all the drinks. Proper villa holiday etiquette.
He’d also understand, without taking offence, that not everyone in the party of ten would want to do everything together. The natural ebb and flow of different groupings setting off for the local market, visits to ancient rubble, or a nearby spa for a massage, would happen without tension, with everyone happily regrouping for pre-dinner drinks.
(I’ve never been on a group holiday where this was the case, but I’d like to think it would be possible.)
On an even more elite list are the people I would love to go on a camping holiday with. David Sedaris features on this one, partly because I think he’d hate every minute and would be so funny about it. I would also enjoy his commentaries on other campers nearby.
David Walliams, while hilarious and adorable, I think could be a bit me, me, me and exhausting in the close confines of the canvas getaway.
I’d jump at the chance to go camping with Kate Moss though. While it might be a bit hard to deal with how good she’d look climbing out of her sleeping bag in the morning, I know (from first hand experience and general reports) that she’d be a good laugh and I have the feeling she’d be cool about not being able to wash much for a few days. Essentials for a camping partner.
Although I would have to ask her not to smoke in the tent, so she might not like to go camping with me.
So that’s my scale for how I’d get on with people. Now tell me: who would you go camping with – and not?
Style Notes 
So I can choose anyone, but I have to sleep in a tent and not wash? I can’t hang out with fabulous people in that state!
By the way Maggie, have you seen the videos for the new Babyliss curler? It looks amazing.
I’ve decided: Julia Gillard & Hilary Clinton. Julia could relax for a few days, Hilary would provide wise counsel, and their security guards would do all the hard work (setting up camp, cooking, scaring away snakes etc.).
Well you can just keep to the glamorous villa… I just like to add the extra frisson of stinky campin. Love your choices, reckon I’ll pop over with a bottle of wine to join you. We can get a bit extra into Hils and get her to DISH. x
Hey Maggie hoping to see you at my Athenaeum soirée Thursday 18 April at 6pm in rooftop Suite. Give ma a ring on 07762440709. Have not seen you in yonks! Rea
Dear Maggie, Hugh Grant, excellent choice indeed, but even better (in my book) the devine Eddie Redmayne. Don’t need a fancy villa just an excellent big old school beach house at (say) Avoca just 1 hour 30 north of Sydney (I can borrow a friend’s)… so pack your togs and I will supply the wetsuits and surfboards etc and I’m sure we will all have a very fine time indeed. The beach house is stocked with all the desirable board games etc and local shopping for cooking/eating out etc is great. You could fly over with the lads, I will collect you from the airport and drive us straight there. So let me know what date to book the house for and I’m there. BX
PS Of course its Autumn here now, but weather still devine and water warm. Can’t wait. BX
well Maggie you of course! we could talk about decades worth of stuff!!! and all my blogging friends !
For pure eye candy James Franco !
aaaaaaaaw xxxx
Cliff Richards? He could sing ” we’re all going on a summer holiday”….. you can tell how old I am!
And after a few white wines we could get him to tell us about his love life…
Yes, he has always been good at deflecting those questions, and using whatshername tennis player as a shield!
I definitely wouldn’t go camping with Tony Abbott. He’d wake us all up at 4 am, stomping around getting ready for a bike ride. And if we managed to dodge that bullet, he’d still be back again at 6am trying to force everyone to join him in a swim in the nearest icy river! Julia Gillard looks like a happy camper, though. After enduring the rigours of Aussie politics for the past couple of years and still being able to smile, I’m sure she’d be great fun. And wouldn’t she have some stories to tell?
Ha ha, I’m with you on all that… x
I think… James May (very much thinking woman’s crumpet) and Germaine Greer. How much wine would we need for that!
Think animals.
A nice dog, Lassie perhaps. But not the queen’s corgis. They would miss their private butler and expect me to be one.
Skippy might enjoy getting out of the tv studio back into his natural environment for a few days.
Then again Tarzan might show me trick or two about getting around the jungle. And Paul Hogan would save me from crocodiles so this might be a sensible and life saving choice.
Endless possibilities
SKIPPY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! YES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Can I just say that I would just like to spend a caravan holiday with me, wonderful me?
This is in no way a reflection of the week I’ve just spent in a rather nice beach house down in Torquay (the Australian version) with my husband, daughter and flatulent dog. I love them all, but whilst tearing around was wont to gaze longingly at the tiny beachside cabins and think how peaceful it would be, sitting there, alone, with my pile of books and a glass or two of something nice.
Is that bad of me?
In terms of famous people I could be tempted to share with: possibly Daniel Craig. It would have to be a cardboard cutout or hologram version, though – I don’t think I could cope with the real thing, as I would be alternating between drooling and giggling. My long suffering husband is getting fed up with me likening him to Mr Craig (in a certain light, he does bear a resemblance, but I’ve also made comparisons between him and Hugh Grant, so go figure).
OMG Daniel Craig, I’d be in a total LATHER. Like you, high pitch giggles would be the only thing that would emerge from my mouth.
who is Oliver Stone, when he’s up and dressed, exactly….??
He is definitely worth googling … very important and you would have definitely seen at least one of his films I’ll bet. B
Leading film director.
oh, that Oliver Stone, hadn’t realised he was a good sort…..
Do you think he is? Interesting. I admire him as a director but he’s sooooooooooo serious…. x
Maggie, we need some one who can whip up something delectable to eat – I rather think Maggie Beer. Also, some one who can pitch a tent – Prince Harry should be good for this, with his military training and he does like a party. Colin Firth because he is gorgeous and you know he would be soo nice. Have I forgotten anyone? Maybe one more bloke – ok let’s get Hugh Grant to come along.
Sounds good to me, although I think Harry’s sense of humour could be a little, er, draining…
Hugh Grant – I love him but would be too self-conscious about my clothes/hair/make-up. And forget about getting in the villa pool, that would mean I would have to wear a swimming costume. In front of Hugh.Grant. Shudder. Of course, if I was on a villa holiday with Hugh Grant, then that would mean I was in Fantasy Land, in which case, I would actually look like Kate Moss.
Camping, ick, I can’t even go there! OK, maybe Jamie Oliver, he can cook amazing things whilst sitting on a tree stump 🙂
Of course, the perfect bikini body comes with the tent/villa package…
I think Paul Hollywood would be a fun camper and of course he’d hopefully do most of the cooking too so a bonus there…. and of course you’d have to come – love the idea of dancing round the pool disco style!
Oh YES, Paul would be great. I wouldn’t mind cosying around a camp fire with him fnar fnar
Jeremy Northam!
I would even let him share my sleeping bag with me!
Clarrisa Dickson Wright. She’d pack plenty of spare woolies, she’s a great conversationalist and she knows how to stew a rabbit.
She’d be great fun. I love her x
Bear Grylls! For a camping holiday of course. One–total eye candy, two–he could teach me all those cool SAS techniques, three–I would be interesting to see a camping stove blow up on him, or for him to get tangled in the guy-ropes.
OH YES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! and that bloke on Deadly 50, to save us from dangerous beasts.
My idea of camping is sleeping under the stars.. 5 stars that is. Not even ‘glamping’ as they say these days appeals to me. We have just spent the two weeks of school holidays at marvelous Merimbula in New South Wales. We stay at the same apartment complex every year and have done for the last ten yrs. There are a group of other Melbourne families that also meet up at the same place each Easter. Each ‘man of the family’ meets up each evening around the BBQ for a ‘debrief’ as they like to call it, discussing the day’s events over a beer or three.
This was such a great laugh! I’m wide awake at 3.00am on the last night of my honeymoon, thanks to a poorly timed espresso martini, and this was the perfect distraction.
Thank you!
A